On saving the World.

I am not sure why but I feel like writing. No one reads this so it feels safe. Like a secret that is also public.

I just read and watched everything I found on Aaron Swartz. He was 'The Internet's Boy'. I am moved. I feel this incredible kinship with this child-man. In one respect, I cannot believe I hadn't learned of him sooner. Further proof that, even though I like to consider myself internet savvy - I'm actually woefully naive to everything it is.

But in another way, even though I didn't learn about his life or struggle until this week, I am struck with this awesome sadness of having lost a very intimate friend. This complex soul with which I would have connected with on some ultra transcendent level. Selfishly, I imagine 3am conversations of hurried whispers about how to save the world from itself.

It feels like we have struggled with some of the same things in life.

Suicide has this very weird pattern of remaining a constant character in my life. Friends very close to me have inexplicably tied a few basic knots and tiptoed precariously on a chair to their end. The pain is preposterous because even though it hurts 'me' to a ludicrous amount we are told over and over that their own pain must have been so much worse than we could ever fathom.

But I wonder if that is true. Is it true that they were actually hurting? Mentally or physically? Achingly sad? Or were they confused. Or were they finally seduced by that comforting, quiet place that yawns wide on the edge of our chaotic consciousness. Every case I come to feels like the latter of these. It doesn't feel like they were sad but more-so just... done. Done fighting that temptation.

I suspect there is some lurking clue in this as to what it holds for a 'cure' against suicide. Or conversely, it tells the inevitable truth that suicide is and will always be a constant as long as we have the ability to enact our own free will.

The Un-Becoming.

"The Journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you so you can be who your were really meant to be in the first place."

This isn't the first time I have shared this quote. I have shared it a few posts ago in a graphic. It's been rattling around in my head ever since. I can't seem to let it go yet. I don't think I have unpacked its entire meaning yet. I think it still has something to say. Or maybe I just need to define it in a way that is easily relatable and can be shared with my friends and family.

Or maybe it just fully resounds with what I am pushing myself through RIGHT NOW that I am hesitant to let it just fly off in the wind. I stand in the torrents, desperately clutching it like a flag to my heaving chest. 

I have been a lot of things in the past but the way I stand, unapologetically and unwaivering, today - is more true to my soul than any other way I have lived thus far. To date I have sloughed off unthankful users, soul-suckingly negative relationships, antiquated value systems, and more as if I was exfoliating dead skin. If it did not contribute to my life in a positive way - then it quickly went the way of the DoDo Bird. 

I believe this even relates to the preciously defined family. If they are not willing to hold up their end of the bargain as 'family' then why would you keep them around to let you down again in the future? Easy... you don't. 

Fool me once.

Keeping negative things and people in your life is only inviting further negativity.

Similarly I don't watch scary movies - because those thoughts stay in my head (I WANT TO UNSEE PARANORMAL ACTIVITY!) I don't peruse comment sections that are filled with ignorance and vitriol. I don't let myself get addicted to TV shows. I do not wallow in deep self-pity in the odd moment that I indulge in a bowl of ice cream or sleep in instead of going to the gym. 

I do not wade into mud that I don't want to get stuck in.

Fortunately the more often you are aware of these negative speed bumps the better you can get at avoiding them and dis-including them from your life. And 2016 was to be the year I finished this process. The year I finally learned to say no to the vampirious time-sucks. 2016 was my"Year of the No" before it became the 52 Things Project. It was my chance to stand up and claim that my time and my definitions of who I am were only mine. I have since made it less about saying "No" to things that did not draw the blood to my lips to the year I said "Yes" to ONLY those things that did. (Reformat it into the affirmative! :)

Prioritizing my time based on my (and my family's) needs is refreshing but still difficult. The people asking you for your time are not strangers. They are not asking you for your help for no reason at all. They are not garnering volunteers for useless activities. They all have worth and they all are meaningful - though to varying degrees to various people. 

Reevaluating my time spent on these activities isn't as easy as saying no to everyone (as I previously thought it would when considering 2016 'Year of the No'). Having a blanket approach to these inquiries is not a realistic possibility. Each one should be recognized ("This person is asking for my time") and answered based on the priority of that person or activity in your life. Sometimes those two even combat each other.

So I am still learning - I don't have any hard-and-fast rules to apply just yet. But I have found value in making sure that the value of my time is blatantly obvious. I keep a wary eye on things that might end up nudged onto my schedule and block them if I do not wholly believe in their worth. 

Beyond that I don't have any quick tips - but I'm going to keep trying.

A Re-Cap.

So far I have done only 15 things.

"Only."

It doesn't sound like much. 15. That's not even a very big number. Especially when you know I have completed 15 out of 52 things for my project. I'm less than 30% done.

But I recently went back to my project mission statement and re-read the things that caused me to set out on this journey:

I want to sell designed items on a site - but to create a shop you have to point them to a portfolio to prove you're worthy. 

I want to blog for a professional site - but I have to point to a blog I am already a part of to get the ability to author. 

I want to be in the business of creating beautiful things - but I don't have a name for myself, I don't have a website, I don't have business cards and I don't even have all the skills it takes to do what I envision myself doing. All of this means that I obviously don't have paying customers.

I want to be taken seriously professionally - and gather endorsements and respect on my Linked In site.

Of these 4 statements I have completed a considerable amount towards their successful achievement in just 15 small actions. I have a portfolio, I have a possible blog to use as an example of my writing chops. I have a name and a domain to use for my own design/development business. I have completed 5 online college level courses to up my skills in the areas I viewed as lacking. I have set out on some audacious and hairy goals at work and have (to my knowledge) been demonstrating very good progress towards them.

To complete the four original things I need to finish the following things:

1. To sell on the site I originally pegged as my goal site to sell digital designed goods I now need to point them to an already operating page where I am selling my designs. I don't remember this being a requirement the first time around - but it seems easy enough. I have operated an Etsy store before and I have *almost* put some of my wall decor design for sale on a fashionable design site. I just need to pull the trigger on these and get them into operation. THEN I need to apply back to my goal site. (That's probably two things.)
   
2. Attempt to use this blog as my writing example for my dream blogging job. If it doesn't work then I will need to figure out a different path. Either submit to another blogging site or create my own where I specifically center on Design and Development. (1 thing... maybe 3-5 things)
   
3. Create my website. Create my business cards. (2-3 things - because I think I want a new host)
   
4. Finish Green Belt successfully. Finish up my mid-year goals. Finish the creation of my site, a site for a fellow friend (that is started but needs wrapped up), and one or two more to prove I have the abilities and development cred I say I have. (5ish things)

+/- 15 more things and I will literally have caught myself up to my peers that have been hustling in one single aspect for the past eight years. Probably not equally on par with them but my side hustle will be legitimate. I will have automated some income, I will be able to creatively express myself in my writing on a platform that is relevant and popular in the industry, and I will feel like I am positively contributing to my 9to5 in a way that I can be proud of. 

I have learned so much about these areas that I was always curious about but never really pushed myself into experimenting in. To say that this project is a success this early in its timeline seems audacious - but in all honesty - it can not be viewed any other way. All of my previous handicaps that walled me off from doing these things a few months ago will be completely shattered. 

I have learned so much about myself. I have learned what I am capable of. And - oddly enough, completing these 'things' this year has shown me that I wasn't just sitting around doing nothing in the past 8 years since graduation. If that was the case then I would have had to create every portfolio entry from scratch. I would be working in an application where the tools would seem alien and with design concepts that haven't been challenged in years if I hadn't been consistently creating 10-15 comprehensive wedding paper suites. Instead of 5 courses I would have had to do 10 online college courses and years of reading to understand and develop the beginnings of a fully responsive, UI compliant, and SEO ready (structured data) website for my friend.

I am not starting from zero like I felt I was. I have done some things to set myself up for success eventually. To say that all of that previous work is useless and needs no recognition is not fair to the effort invested in these past years. 

I am doing well in my project. I am doing well in life. I am representing my creative side well. I am near the creation of a fully operating and respectful side-hustle. 

I am excited and reinvigorated for my next 15 things.

EEP!

My Fifteenth Thing - 6SGB Training

Ninja Training. Kinda.

While it might not seem like I am concentrating much on my 9to5 the opposite is actually true. I am keenly aware of my output during the majority of my day.

I have done some pre-work to define out some audaciously hairy goals, to attend some online classes to widen my educational footing, to volunteering & pushing myself to attend at least 2 more projects than I would normally be assigned to and answering, to coding/developing and closing out some tickets that needed some love.

But my favorite accomplishment is my forceful entrance into the company offered Green Belt Six Sigma training. When I put it as one of my goals last year my manager said she wasn't sure it was attainable but said we could look into it. When that didn't flower into a real opportunity I knew that I could not leave it up to chance this year. I mentioned that I *would* attend during goal setting and she again raised her eyebrow. Within two weeks I had located the trainers for the 2016 sessions and had fully signed up for the courses. A few weeks subsequent and I was working with a black belt to refine my charter and ready myself for Day one of the course.

I wasn't leaving it up to chance for another year.

I knew that if I left it up to fate that I could potentially be another year waiting for this course. Within my area a knowledge of these methodologies is not only highly useful - but can make or break your ability to be taken seriously by those in our production centers. Production and quality rely on Six Sigma. To automate for our production centers I needed this information if not for any other reason than understand their vocabulary of acronyms.

To-Date I have completed 2/3rds of the course and I can factually say that I represented my team well. I am excited with all of this new knowledge and (almost certification) that can even carry with me even if I transition outside of this company.

It's been a difficult few months here at my 9to5 trying to fit in the work required to be noticed in my team but I am hoping it will make a difference here in the near future.

Woop Woop! Green Belt here I come!

My Fourteenth Thing - Free-lancing Pt. 2

Do Work Son.

I have made my online design portfolio, I have created my profile on an e-lancing site, I have publicized my side-hustle to friends/family/acquaintances, and have even applied and responded to jobs. So what's the next logical step to all of those?!??!

What about actually GETTING SIGNED TO A FREELANCING JOB?!

Or hell - how about two?!?!?!?

If the interobangs offer any clues - they should at least be implying my utter and insane amount of gratitude to the universe for recognizing me among the multitude of worthy designers. Not only were my job submissions read but they were accepted by real people who want me to help them graphically represent their company.

The fact that this is really happening only a mere few months following my slight curiosity into what a secondary side hustle could actually offer is legitimately mind-blowing to me. To think that many of the blogs and writings that I read on HOW to acquire a name in freelancing said I shouldn't be devastated if my submissions go unrecognized for over a month of steady applying.

I only had answered/applied to 14 job posts. From there I had four messages asking further information. And out of those I had gotten two responses. Those percentages are unwarranted in this business model for a 'beginner'.

So I have two jobs to work on now.

I am now only 3-4 steps away from the main three to five goals I had set out to accomplish at the beginning of this project. 14 things in and I am doing real things that real designers do. I am aghast at this amazing opportunity. My jaw is unrescuable. 

Thank you universe. I won't be letting you down.

My Thirteenth Thing - Publicize the Hustle

Publicize the side hustle.

If we start every 'thing' with a comparison - then I would liken this to Thing 6 where I only had to submit our contract for Gypsy - but the act of doing so legitimized our journey into a huge reality.

Thing 13 did little more than my physically appending my 'Linked In' portfolio to include me naming and stating that I do design work on the side.

Adding to your profile on Linked In does not go unnoticed. It releases a mini news story to all of your hundreds of connections saying 'Amber has added a new position to her portfolio to her profile - send a her a congratulations!'.

I could have turned this off. I could have made the change silently and only for the eyes of possible recruiters to see or maybe the one or two connections that randomly ventures to my page to glance around. But I didn't. I kept it as an announcement. I did this because this was my publicizing that I am now someone who does not solely work within the confines of her 9to5 - but I am definitively working a second job pursuit on the side.

It was intimidating because I have been moonlighting as a custom wedding paper suite designer for almost ten years and never once made it a publicized announcement. I think I was scared. Or maybe I was intimidated. I still am not sure. I was good at it - I never took on more work than I could actually complete - but I still didn't want anyone to know.

So this announcement was me coming out in the open that I have these abilities and I am openly and actively pursuing jobs with them.

I also see this as useful for new recruiters that look at my profile in the future so they can understand that I can be a multi-faceted acquisition. I have more than just a single set of talents to offer and I can be useful in more than one area of your business if you were so inclined to need someone like this.

So it was a bit scary to press that save button but the insane amount of congratulations and even the questions sent 'what do you do exactly' were exciting because I could personally explain to the interested individuals in my circle what I loved and what I had to offer… ya know… just in case they had a need in the near future. Wink Wink.

My Twelfth Thing - Name the Game

Hustle, Hustle, Hustle

I have a freelancing profile, I have a portfolio, I have a pseudonym - but I don't have something that I can work under as a company or agency name. I mean I have options. I have an old name I used on my etsy shop years ago. I have business name from a couple years ago when I was attempting to invest myself into custom invitation work and wedding suite design. And I have a few silly names that I have batted around with family and friends.

But I haven't yet made any of them real enough to stick with them. None of them *fit* me. None of them felt like that comfortable pair of jeans that slip on and make you feel wonderful and look smashing at the same time.

I needed a comfy jeans name.

Really not JUST a comfy jeans name - but a rockstar pair of comfy jeans that are comfortable, make me look amazing yet has too many holes. I like my jeans to break rules (ie: can't wear them to work) and would make the regular stranger look twice and think about my ability to just 'fit in' with society.

Truthfully it didn't take long to find it either. Since many of my previous choices were stuffy and non-representative of my personal style and attitude towards life - I knew my new name needed to be fun and unexpected. It shouldn't fit easily into any boundaries and it should be something that was dear to me. These expectations made it obvious what I would choose as my future moniker.

EepSheep.

(Not actual logo concept)

This was the result of a silly conversation that dissolved into laughter between myself and a longtime friend while chatting at work using emoticons. It was nonsensical but it was full of meaning. It was fun and didn't pigeon hole me into any single design realm as all of my previous choices had done. It was different and against the rules of all business naming conventions that existed. I *want* to stick out.

It was perfect.

So I bought the domain and a subdomain in case I ever decide to journey into a physical design aspect (near what I was doing for Satin and Brass). A few weeks later I made the actual logos.

So now I have my against-the-rules comfy jeans name, a domain and a logo. I am not sure what it means - or what I will be doing with it. But I have it and I have decided that I am going to use to to represent my personal endeavors into the design/development/etc world.